Two thoughts that just came to me, which might resonate with some of you out there.
The first concerns fear, especially the inordinate amount of time/ sleep I waste focussed on it, to the detriment of everything else. Because, apart from the inescapable events that I pretty much know will be bad in some way (the dentist for example), most of the really nasty things in life are always totally unexpected. Therefore what I am actually worrying about is not based on any unique ability to see into the future, but purely the crazy machinations of an un/conscious mind creating scenarios based on nothing more than past experiences. Life, like nature, is not like that, it is about change/ diversification, new things happening, and not the past repeating itself. If I can learn to accept this, don’t let it take hold but float away like smoke up a chimney (credit to LAZY LAMA LOOKS AT BUDDHIST MEDITATION by Ringu Tulku Rinpoche), then not only will they probably never happen but I will get more sleep and be happier.
The second is about discovering who we really are, or more specifically how perhaps we all need to spend some time alone. To be totally honest this is not my theory, it was proposed by a complete stranger. Who incidentally turned up unexpectedly here last Thursday night, adding weight to the above, that you cannot guess what is going to happen next. He not only came all the way from the UK, in part to meet me, but found El Pocito (which most of the locals couldn’t), driving 2kms along forestry tracks that are not only confusing but currently all but impassable except to 4x4s, in an old Ford Transit.
Anyway, returning to the subject. He had recently ended a long relationship (and you know my story), but instead of nursing the wounds and valiantly carrying on, decided to use this event to give up job & home and seek an alternative way of life, someplace else. Along the way beginning to realise that something truly profound was happening. Most of us during our lives, due to cultural pressures, spend the majority of our time in the company of others. We accept this without question. But maybe it isn’t all to the good. Because during this period of imposed isolation he has discovered things about himself he never knew before. I won’t reveal any more, but the same has happened to me, I just hadn’t realised it as a good thing until now. I have never really lived alone before, moving almost seamlessly from childhood to sharing a home with lovers. The last two and half years though have been different. They haven’t been good, but that is probably because I’d been so conditioned how to see things, because in hindsight I have changed dramatically over that period, as a person. For example, become social, as in communicating with other people, this is a total reversal of my previous self. Speaking/ understanding spanish, ditto, before not able to utter a single word. Can cook (or at least managed to survive on it). Learning to live without fear. Plus existing in the middle of a forest, 2kms from the nearest village, totally off-the-grid, in what is no more than a hut, while managing single-handedly 25,000m2 of garden. What more do you need to convince you that we must all have untried abilities? Not only that, it has made me feel quite differently about the kind of person I now want to spend the rest of my life with. Food for thought as they say. Go ponder. Phil.